An Open Letter to the Lord of the Wasps
I have no quarrel with you or your subjects. Live and let live is my motto. Frankly, your species rarely crosses my mind. So you're probably wondering why two of them have departed prematurely and entered larger insect life at my hands...

I can just imagine their angry incriminations, punctuated by mangled antennae waving around. But, were I there at the wasp pearly gates (or whatever you have--yes, I'm sure it's nice), I would have to say they were warned. I'd also add that I didn't start this.

After the hurricane, there was a section of the screen porch blown out. I'm sure you, being the all-knowing Lord of the wasps, are well aware this afforded easy access to the porch where I retreat for respite from the brutish world. Good screens make for good neighbors though, and when this barrier between our two species was brought down, chaos ensued. See, I can't enjoy my porch in the manner I've become accustomed to with these little poisonous dive bombers not just around but actually flying sorties over my head. You must understand. It would be like you trying to relax at an Orkin convention.

So this breach was temporarily fixed and then finally replaced two weeks ago. Imagine my suprise today when I found two of your minions violating the newly reestablished no-fly zone. This was no minor infraction I could ignore; I had to make an example of them.

May I suggest a compromise before this escalates out of control? They are building a new place down the road. Easy access, waterview, and, best of all--no one will be moving in for several months as the construction continues. Perhaps you could direct a little Polistes vespidae Moses to lead your people over there where they may live out their lives free from my aggression.

P.S. Please don't tell the Lord of the Mosquitoes--he thinks I'm a mass murderer.