Calamity Jane

When I first met Calamity Jane she was wild as the wind. I saw her twirl into a party all smiles and long red hair. I was mesmerized. She didn't even know I existed.

They said she lived alone in the dunes, bathed in sea foam, used shark's teeth to shave her shapely legs, and porcupine quills to brush her long luxurious hair. Men fell under her spell like Odysseus with the sirens. They tore their clothes and plunged into the sea never to be seen or heard from again. I watched quietly, biding my time.

I ventured out onto her island cautiously at first, just here to snap a few pictures of the lovely beach, my sweet. Care to come along? My plot worked but I had to be careful; always, she was like a wild creature, willing to watch with interest but never get too close for fear of capture.

I fed her delicacies, lobsters caught from deep in the emerald waters, blue crabs we both captured splashing about in the grass flats, and blackened redfish pulled from its briny home and quickly thrown onto a sizzling fire. She responded and our relationship soon resembled a dream that smelled like patchouli and sounded like the Cowboy Junkies. Together we explored the wilds--she taught me how to spot a hummingbird from fifty feet, showed me the verdant back alleys of her wild home. We splashed naked in hidden lakes surrounded by shiny little fishes. We fell deeply in love.

Little by little I coaxed this nymph from the wild and into my life. At times she was jittery, anxious to stay close to the waves and misty woods. I slowly taught her how the warm blanket of domesticity was just as exciting as the cool afternoon breeze on your salty skin--just in a different way.

One day I asked her to come and stay with me. Forever. She looked at me with those big blue eyes and I knew we would be together. Now we've mapped the solar system, explored the reefs, and even soared among the clouds.



Somehow, in all this, a little wild cub sprung up. Now the expedition is complete. Now the Booglet gets to learn from her Mommy how the butterflies migrate through to warm tropical climes, gracing us with their confetti parade. Calamity teaches the little one secrets from her wild days, and the little one grows strong and independent and beautiful like her mother.

My girls. I am the luckiest man I know.

My wife, my companion, my soulmate. My crazy little nymph brought from the wild. I love you.